Schizophrenia! Wheeee!
…or schizo-affective disorder? I want every professional who’s ever dubbed me with one or the other to settle it once and for all Thunderdome style.
What this is actually an ad for is to participate in a study, allow them to pump you full of Ra-knows-what. But I have news for you…in the city and state places? Among the indigently poor? They’re ALREADY doing stuff like that. I’ve been informed that a lot of the random switch-ups of my meds in the past, or extremely high doses given, were unnecessary and not even particularly beneficial. It’s even been suggested that there’s some “playing fast and loose” when it comes to seeing what effects meds were having on patients.
I know I’ve expressed an anti-medication stance in the past. And why not, after years of things causing me to lactate, to lose my way on a subway route I’ve made countless times before, endlessly wringing hands or twitchy legs? A sluggishly dead imagination unable to create, or to satisfactorily draw the things I did think of. Or dosages that seemed almost punitive:
City Hospital Doctor: We were observing you in the monitor, your affect is flat again. I think I may prescribe you 10 milligrams higher.
Mad Rat Girl: No, I’m just tired today. (overly toothy forced grin, probably looking more like Jared Loughner than a genuinely happy person).
City Hospital Doctor: No, we have cause for concern, and you’re really obviously faking that smile.
“A learned contortion of the mouth” – Crass, “Health Surface”
Anyway, I’m back on an extremely low dose of medication. It’s calming, yes, and no more hazy yellow ice cold razor blades in my skull, or fiberglass under my skin. But also no more beyond control weight-gain (which also means no more gagging in the sink), no more restless leg drumming a la Thumper the rabbit, no more random pregnancy scares due more to random lactation. And I’ve been in a highly creative period, if anything now the problem is I have floods of ideas and not enough hours in the day to execute them all! Which is a problem I doubt any artist minds having. I’m very appreciative to have fallen in with doctors who work with me rather than on me.
I still feel Seroquel and Depakote/Stavszor are Satan, and not in a fun rock-n-roll way. I still feel Seroquel should be off the market given the cover-ups that were made between the FDA and Glaxo Smith Kline about it. And I still question why Abilify is advertised on TV for people who just feel a bit sad or shy, when that’s NOT what the inset that comes with it says. But maybe not every med is evil, and maybe it has more to do sometimes with how the doctor treats the patient on the med, than the pill itself.
But anyway, yeah, we were just having some fun with the sign.
Doll Hospital – Chaos Reigns
I originally titled this “Midnight Locust Haze” but confession: I don’t know if those sounds are actually made by locusts. I just like the word and connotations. The initial recordings were made last year when we did the multimedia slideshow up at 3 Arrows. Later that night we were in just the right exhaustion-induced trance state to wander outside in the darkness (which is not like dark in the city that never sleeps–it’s real) I hit click on the recorder and forgot about it, we just sort of let ourselves get swept up in the sounds of the forest and what happens happens.
And now I’ve revisited those recorded tracks and renamed it in honor of Lars Von Trier’s “Antichrist”, which also involves a married couple heading into a sinister forest and a shit-ton of symbolism. Cuz nature is Satan’s church, and Chaos Reigns, don’tcha know.
La Anima Thelema (caran d’ache crayon dry)
This was something about “create a mythos”. Of course I obviously didn’t create these. But I did kind of stick them all together.
This was also before I knew those “Caran D’ache” things could be turned into watercolors.
I feel like I’ve been more focused in sound art than visual art as of late. Which might be just as well, since we’re playing the Pyramid Thursday so I should be thinking about that (in recovery groups saying “should” can be worse than saying “fuck”. But maybe not so if it’s pertinent?) Yesterday was Eric’s birthday and I came across the perfect gift for him in a thrift store, where perfect things are most often found because it’s like treasure hunting for them. A hand-painted Guatemalan log drum! Who knows what it was doing in there? It’ll be doing plenty of things with Doll Hospital, Urchestra, and Nu knows what else though, I suspect.
5/3/11 Living In La La Land – Truly Contagious
I’m sure somebody reading this will remember and is itching to point out that I could be bratty along these lines when I was in my 20′s–especially since Eric just told me someone specifically asked him about that. So, I’ve just beaten yuhz to the punch and owned it myself. But no one in this comic is in their 20′s.
One thing I didn’t do when I was younger was get into Jem & The Holograms. Maybe it was Mom playing Rolling Stones records when I was preschool age, or Dad taking me to see “The Wall” in the theater when I was 10, but something about the show seemed like a very watered down version of what a rock band was supposed to be. I also wasn’t sure why “The Misfits” on the show seemed to have swapped out their devil locks and horror movie lyrics for lime green Jersey hair and vaginas. But thanks to this clip a friend of mine posted once, I have learned that “Jem and the Holograms failed rehab stint” actually ended in a horrible plummeting death.
I will say that clip was a helluva lot more entertaining than “Wristcutters A Love Story”. Maybe they could’ve swapped out that pseudo Eugene Hutz character with some magically appearing pseudo cobras and pelicans.
Monster PhotoManips!
Union Rats attack!!! The actual two union rats (the first time I’ve ever seen two together) are in front of The Container Store, which has a sign that boasts “Conscientious Capitalism” or something like that.
Enzo escapes the lab!!!
Art Therapy: Transformation (watercolor & pastel)
Yeah, that was the theme, “transformation” with an hour to address it. So, yeah a whole lotta alchemical stuff happening here. I think this is one of those things I’d like to go back and rework as a real painting, maybe make the androgyne figure in the center of Baphomet’s face more pronounced. I have a lot of things artistically I’d like to do and a limited amount of time and speed with which to complete them.
Doll Hospital’s “Aeon Calling” – Now As A Downloadable Soundscape
“Aeon Calling” was a performance piece done in 2012 during Bushwick Open Studios. It consists of a soundscape created by Eric Blitz on a sound installation. The vocals, by Jenny Gonzalez-Blitz are a “word salad” of phrases and words that appear in The Book Of The Law.
And while I can’t quite capture the ambiance of myself smashing alarm clocks in a small crowded room, I hope my cut and layering(I sound like a hairdresser for audio) of sounds from the original performance captures that precipice-between-aeons mood of it.
What is Happenning in Istanbul?
To my friends who live outside of Turkey:
I am writing to let you know what is going on in Istanbul for the last five days. I personally have to write this because at the time of my writing most of the media sources are shut down by the government and the word of mouth and the internet are the only ways left for us to explain ourselves and call for help and support.
