7/21/05 Bad Idea

In Too Negative #5 (available in mini comic form), Akie Grigori was cast out of Heaven for taking a romantic interest in Devil Dahlia. He did not expect that this would happen. Here, we see that he has the option to return, if he is willing to meet a series of conditions. This time he consciously chooses to reject it, not simply for the sake of Dahlia (indeed she’s only mentioned in passing and not even by name), but for his own sake and the possibilities he sees open if he remains engaged with the world rather than retreating to the equivalent of a celestial gated community. He has become Willful rather than merely Obedient.

Interestingly the other angel doesn’t even argue that his lifestyle is better. He just suggests coping by screaming internally. I’ve attempted to master screaming internally at the behest of certain abusive partners and privileged frenemies who may have felt their asses weren’t being sufficiently kissed. I was assured that this would be most beneficial to me and make life more pleasant as people would not find me so abrasive or unpredictable. All that ended up happening was that the people who wanted to take advantage or make me feel inferior continued to carry on, as they had before, but I had nothing to show for it. I was not moving closer towards any personal goals; if anything, I was constantly too nauseous and afraid and distracted  to even pursue them. And a number of people came out and said that despite my being known to have a temper, they never really found me to be mean or unlikeable in the first place. Maybe because those people were ones who had never been an ASSHOLE to me in the first place!

So the moral of the story is not to trust anybody who demands that you inhibit yourself or stay in line or tells you you’re wrong for expressing certain emotions or even having them at all – chances are they have an agenda.


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