Hey, I Try

Recently I saw this on a blog post from Jessica Sideways, no one is quite sure what illustrious publication this is from, but it looks WAAAY more fun than the quizzes in Cosmo magazine or whatever.

Now, I’m not sure if scoring is only supposed to apply to things I currently do, or things I’ve done in the past, so I’ll try to score it the best I can.

Eastern religions – Thelema contains elements of Daoist philosophy, though it is basically a Western hermetic tradition. And I have been to a few Naichiren Buddhist  meetings with friends on that path. So, partial credit. +.5

Yoga +1

Freemasonry – again, elements incorporated into Thelema. +.5

Illuminati group – depends how far you trace my initiatory lineage. But, no partial credit, because I don’t feel I’m at a level yet to make that claim.

New Age Religions – Fuck no. New Aeon, not New Age.

Church of Satan – No, but I do think LaVey can be a witty writer.

Scientology – Now why you bringin’ up old stuff. No, and google Jack Parsons/L. Ron Hubbard if you want to know why that won’t be changing.

Rosicrucianism – elements incorporated +.5

Astrology – not against it, but it hasn’t grabbed my interest the way other aspects of the occult have, sorry.

Tarot cards – I like to meditate on these, particularly Thoth deck. Also, I’m designing my own rat-themed deck. +1

Ouija Boards – I played with them a lot when I was 13, but now I’m not particularly interested. +.5

Remote Viewing – maybe? I’m not sure. I do hallucinate a helluva lot, remember.

Palmistry – Naah, what if someone was all “read my palm” but they didn’t tell you they just rubbed one out? Eeew.

Voodoo – If anything I really should learn more about Santeria/Lucumi.

Earth worship/Wicca – I practiced Wicca for several years. +.5

Cyberpunk culture – I’ve liked a few Philip K. Dick stories, does that count?

Divination +1 (though more for clarification of the present. Multiple universe theory kind of rules out predicting the future.)

Meditation +1

Vegetarianism +1 I think this is viewed as Satanic cuz I saw cartoons where vegetables were really into Jesus, therefore only the demonically possessed would take pleasure in devouring them.

Lycanthropy – Is that a “hairy feminist” joke? Piss off. :p

Postmodernism – +1 because it’s so damn nebulous that everyone is in on it.

Backmasking – +1 Why do you think I wanted to learn recording software for myself?

Astral Projection +1 Remember that time with the Black Russians mixed with Paxil? Bullshit, you weren’t there. But it was wild.

Necromancy – Why?

Re-birthing – Fuck that. We’re childfree. I don’t even want to do it the first time.

Kabbalah – +1

LOTR – Yeah I read it. +1

Fire walking – maybe someday.

Levitation – never

ALT COMIX – DINGDINGDINGDING WE HAVE A WINNER! THE SECRET TO MY DEMONIC POSSESSION!!!!! +100

Vampirism – Reading books about them? Sure. Walking around claiming to BE one? Please. +.5

Trilateralism – Like a threeway? Or like financially? I’m not scoring this till you clear that up, Jesus.

Marijuana & Pot parties – +1

LSD/shrooms – It’s been a long time though. +.5

Video games – More as a kid +.5

Harry Potter – What about him?

Dungeons & Dragons … I like all their funny dice.

Halloween – Yeah, it all began when I was three, and my mother decked me out in the toddler sized Tweety Bird costume…OF SATAN +1

Fornication – Well, now that I’m married, the fucking I’m about to engage in when I finish this no longer meets the definition of fornication. But it sure did happen before that. +.5

Skull & Bones – What, that thing where rich college republicans masturbate in graveyards or something? Fuck no, I’m not going in there. I heard George Bush is in there.

Rock Music – See Mz Pakman & Rubber Room Rats. Actually you can’t they’re both broke up and I’m doing experimental now. +.5

Heavy Metal – I like a couple of metal bands, but I’m more into punk. +.5

Burning Man – What does that possess you by? Hippies?

Twilight films – This will get you possessed by hair gel, body glitter, and Mitt Romney’s magic underoos.

Raves & XTC – ravers suck, techno sucks. XTC was kind of cool, but Andy Partridge was pretty insufferable in interviews. +.5

Goth culture – Yeah, what depressed self-injuring teenager wasn’t at some point? I think they call it “Witch House” now, but the music is more monotonous and there’s more rape apologism. Which puts it on the cutting edge of reification and Daniel Tosh frat boy humor. Yay.

So anyway, since none of that made much sense, here, enjoy  this bata rythym clip from Havana. It just feels so much more vibrant than worrying if Burning Man will make you possessed.

 

 

 

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