I know pointing out something that came out of Cosmo magazine is stereotypical, offensive, shallow, and asinine is kind of like pointing out that water is wet. But when my friend over at Pride In Madness blog called my attention to this moronic mental health quiz from Cosmo, I had to take the
piss out of it uhhh, I mean, address my umbrage with it in a mature discussion. Yeah, that’s it. After all, a mental health quiz that includes the phrase “waxed butthole” deserves nothing shy of a discerning academic discourse.
First off we’re greeted with the sight of a woman hoisting her smiley-face clad ass in the air, cuz crazy-girl-sexually-uninhibited, right? Or maybe I’m being too hasty. Maybe she’s just really, really proud of her freshly waxed butthole. (Seriously, what is that about? Do I really wanna know?) Now let’s look at this quiz, which seems to contain more references to pop culture than actual psychology, harm reduction, or treatment methods.
1) To relieve stress you usually – None of their choices. When it gets the best of me, cut myself and self-medicate. But I’ve been trying to head that off with mindfulness meditations, taking walks, doing art, or trying one of the exercises on the DBT worksheet papers my counselor gave me…I try to head it off when it’s not happening yet with a regimen of spiritual practices.
2)Your morning ritual usually includes- Morning Resh followed by a yoga sun salute before breakfast. Some mornings I have to go in for group therapy sessions. In regards to answer C though, embarrassing confession time: Sometimes when no one’s around I sing “You Are My Sunshine” to our rats. Seriously. 🙂
3)The last time you cried was- I believe it was when one of said rats, our beautiful Bonney, crossed over to the City Or The Pyramids. I’m sure neurotypical people cry when they lose their pets too.
4)If you had a personal slogan it would be- Up the art-punks! I dunno. But their answer “B” is still confusing the hell out of me. I mean, I’ve heard of people using Astro-Glide or poppers or all sorts of enemas back there, but wax? Wouldn’t that get it stuck shut? And I’m the one who needs a mental health day?
5)Through some light Facebook stalking, you find out your ex is engaged. And look, she’s so young! You immediately- Actually, I’m the one who had to contend with some Evil-Ex style douchebaggery when Eric & I got engaged. All I know is that a pet peeve of mine is the cavalier use of the word “stalking”. And the suggestion that I would, under any circumstances, sing Alanis Morrissette songs. (Then again, I suspect Cosmo believes only dudes can be insufferable music snobs, LOL.)
An espresso does sound kinda good right now though. And while I may never find you any Butthole Waxers, I got something better: