Today was drop off, jarring cracked sidewalks, leaping through Harvoni hoops and tumbles to the ground. I care less and less about the neverending quest for the all elusive stability. So long as we hold our own and our own is each other so once again we can be dangerous together, to paraphrase a meme I saw once. I’m not so frightened of the shifting crumbling world and what it might mean anymore. I’m only frightened of invisible interior medical things that can harm Eric, things I can’t catch and kill, or clean up or fix somehow. Of course those are the things that can be overwhelming to the mind, to the point where I am play piercing my arms to Trepaneringsritualen hoping for a beta endorphin rush. To still my brain from the freak out. Over the bureaucracy, over the slow recuperation from the surgery, over the rain making everything treacherous. So I made an x out of the needles but one loop of skin had grown very loose. I began pushing and prodding that 20 gauger in such a way as to form miniscule undulating arches of flesh on a cream-cafe-colored landscape. Endorphoria at last.